When Parents Can’t Cooperate: The Rise of Parallel Parenting

 Posted on January 06, 2026 in Divorce / Family Law

Divorce can be messy, especially when kids are involved, and things sometimes don’t get better even after the divorce is finalized. It is very normal to have a hard time working with a divorced partner to maintain your children’s best interests. 

Many parents eventually figure out systems that work for them, but sometimes the negative feelings are too much to get through. In cases like this, co-parents might consider something called "parallel parenting." This is a method that works for many people, and our Geneva, IL child custody lawyer can help you explore whether this is a good option for your family. 

What is Parallel Parenting, and How Does it Work?

Parallel parenting is when divorced parents interact with each other as little as possible while still sharing custody of their kids. They limit contact with each other to what is necessary to make sure their kids are taken care of. Instead of communicating about small things as they come up, each parent makes decisions for their children by themselves.

The National Parents’ Organization states that parallel parenting is most successful when there are clear rules about how the parents can interact. These can include things like how parents will communicate with each other (i.e., apps or email) and pick-up and drop-off times.

What are the Benefits and Challenges of Parallel Parenting?

Benefits of Parallel Parenting 

The biggest advantage is that kids see less fighting. This can help children feel less stressed and anxious in an already difficult situation. Because there are clear rules for the parents, kids don't have to carry messages between them or get stuck in the middle of adult problems. Kids can also have predictable routines at each parent’s home, which can create more stability in their lives.

Challenges of Parallel Parenting 

There are also downsides to parallel parenting. Children are very sensitive and are likely to pick up on the friction between parents, even if they aren’t seeing outright fighting. They might notice differences between how their parents interact and how their friends’ parents do. They may also have to adjust between two different sets of rules and expectations. This can be very difficult. Some children may try to take advantage of different rules at each house, or even try to play parents against each other.

The biggest risk is that one parent may become emotionally distant from their child. Parents and kids lose the benefits of parallel parenting if parents completely disconnect. Parallel parenting requires both parents to stay involved in their child's life, even if they do not want to stay involved with each other.

Does a Judge Have to Order Parallel Parenting in Illinois?

Divorced couples do not necessarily have to go through a judge to use the parallel parenting process. However, courts may order parallel parenting when one or both parents have patterns of behavior that negatively affect the children. 

This can include every interaction leading to an argument, parents using children to send messages to each other, or police getting called during pick-ups and drop-offs. They may also order parallel parenting if the parents cannot agree on their own parenting plan.

When Do Illinois Courts Order Parallel Parenting?

Under Illinois law (750 ILCS 5/602.10), courts must focus on the child's best interests when creating parenting plans. Judges may use parallel parenting as a last resort to reduce parental conflict and the child's exposure to it. A parallel parenting plan might include:

• Divided decision-making: For example, one parent handles school decisions, and the other handles medical problems.

• Structured communication: Parents only communicate through methods like court-approved apps.

• Neutral exchanges: Drop-offs happen at designated public locations or through third parties.

• Clear schedules: Specific start and end times for each parent's time with the child.

• No badmouthing: Parents cannot criticize each other in front of the child.

• Information sharing: A communication log that travels with the child.

• Event protocols: Specific rules for holidays, activities, and special occasions.

Even in parallel parenting situations, the courts expect both parents to support the child being with the other parent. The goal is to reduce harmful conflict while maintaining important relationships.

What Happens if Parallel Parenting Fails?

Sometimes parallel parenting doesn't work even with a detailed plan. One parent might consistently show up late, ignore communication rules, or try to control the other parent's household. They may try to turn the child against the other parent through negative comments or false accusations. Illinois courts take this very seriously because it damages the child's relationships.

If problems continue, parents should:

• Save all messages, record late pickups, and note inappropriate behavior.

• Ask the court to change or enforce the parenting plan.

• Request a contempt hearing – the court can punish parents who don't follow parenting plans. 

Consequences for violating the plan may include fines, changes to the parenting schedule, or jail time for severe offenses. In unsafe situations, the court might order the parent to be supervised when with the child or change parental responsibilities.

Call a Geneva, IL Child Custody Attorney

If conflict with your ex-spouse is affecting your children, parallel parenting might be the solution your family needs. A good parallel parenting plan can reduce stress for everyone. The experienced Kane County family lawyer at Loire Krajniak Law, LLC understands high-conflict parenting situations and can help you with a parenting plan that protects you and your family. 

Contact us at 630-448-2406 to schedule a free consultation. We will help you understand if parallel parenting is right for you.